I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
