Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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