I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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