We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize