When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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