I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
