oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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