She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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