Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
