First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
