Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
