White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
