with your own penis?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
