My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
