I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
