I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
