Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize