we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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