pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
