i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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