Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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