I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize