He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
