Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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