I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
