my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
