I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
