My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
