Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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