no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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