We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
