I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
