I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
