Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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