i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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