I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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