The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize