Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
