so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
