Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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