wanna go halves on a baby?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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