I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
