That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
