i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
