I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
3pm strippers are depressing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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