If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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