Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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