The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The Olympian is in my bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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