Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
