is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
