What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
