like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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