Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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