Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
