we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize