Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize