I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
