I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
