Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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