Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize