Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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