You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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