She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
