He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
