You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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