tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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