Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
