The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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