sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
